In short: Buh?
Basically it was an insane mess, written by someone who knows far, far, far too much about Doctor Who and isn’t ashamed to abuse it. We all knew this was coming. But I doubt any of had any idea how totally barmy this episode was going to be. Yeah, RTD has had priors – last years finale, for example – but Stolen Earth is something in another realm.
Notice how I’m talking around the episode and not actually about it. It’s easier that way.
I suppose if I have to talk about the episode, I can narrow my review down to the episode having one major plus and one major negative.
The negative is the Children of Time. For the most part they are utter rubbish. While Eve Miles was OK, both Gareth (Ianto) and Barrowman (Captain Jack) are terrible. Ianto, especially, who looks like he’s grown a third chin and whose one-liners grate. And what about Jack leaving his Torchwood pals to the mercy of the Dalek *and* taking the best gun with him. What a total bastard!
As for Martha. Well, I’ve never been keen on Freema’s acting and she didn’t let me down. So, basically, project Indigo was an excuse to visit her mum. How sweet. I’m certain as UNIT soldier, in the middle of a fucking War, with lives on the line and people sacrificing themselves for her, that she could have picked somewhere else… like a bunker or something. I don’t know. I mean, it’s a nice sentiment from RTD, that she’d choose family over war, but it rubbed me up the wrong way.
And SJS and the annoying little kid, well, all Sarah does is cry through her scenes, at the same time showing why Elisabeth Sladen best years as an actress are well behind her (Christ, I’m being a total bastard). Actually, the bit where she realises it’s the Daleks is wonderful. But everything else – including nearly bumping into two Daleks on the road (how did she miss them? I mean they were right in front of her!) – was risible.
I did like Harriet Jones, though. Even if the Flydale gag is so old, it now has dementia and is living in a home (Seriously, did I not take my happy pills today).
Oh… and Rose… RTD, why undermine the drama by making her petty and sulky again?!?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!?! What does that achieve other than make me hate and Rose and wish she’d have stayed at home!
What saves this episode, and makes it the most fun ever, is all the stuff with the Daleks. And Davros. Here, at least, RTD doesn’t let us down. The Daleks are vicious and evil and back to their kick arse best. The scenes of them herding people up is a bit disturbing. And I do love the saucers sweeping down destroying bits of Earth. RTD could have shown us all this back in Season One, when the Daleks invaded Future Earth. But he didn’t, instead focusing on the duel between the Emperor and the Doctor. Here, however, it makes more sense, because this is our Earth getting the shit kicked out of it.
And then there’s Davros. Julian Bleach is wonderful in the role. Immediately I’m reminded of Michael Wisher. As usual Davros is brilliant and mad and scary. And his conversation with the Doctor is fantastic, mostly because the Doctor just switches him off. Which is a very RTD thing. We fans want the big arguments, but as the Doctor says, it’s all be said before and there’s no need to repeat it again.
And as for Tennant, he’s great. A bit manic to begin with, but all dark and moody when required. His and Donna’s scenes on the Shadown Proclamation seem a bit like filler at times. I mean, what was that with the bees… did any of that make any sense at all? And why does the young SP girl, the one who gives Donna the water, let loose with some dribble? (Well, I giggled). Still, I’d like the bit where the Doctor does a runner, though you’d think the head honcho woman would have figured that out. It must have been her silly hairdo clouding her thoughts.
As for the cliff hanger. All I say is this. People, go nowhere near OG this week if you don’t want to be spoilt about what happens next. The resolution is there – if you no where to look and want to be spoilt – but I warn you not to make my mistake. It’s much funner not knowing. Still, it was a brilliant cliff-hanger, wasn’t it!
All in all, once you scrape away the crimes against acting committed by the Children of Time, Stolen Earth was epic, in your face Dalek mania. A special effects delight with plenty of laugh out loud and big, cheesy grin moments.
I just hope that RTD doesn’t resort to another reset switch. I’m hoping that because this is his last regular episode, that he’ll actually leave Moffat with an Earth that’s been hit badly but is recovering from the invasion. That said, who puts money on that the Osterhanger key is one BIG reset switch.
Anyway I give it 6/10 (which actually means nothing when you’re reviewing an episode this crazy. I might as well given it Booblefag / 10, which makes about as much sense).
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