So, I’m having this nostalgic kick at the moment where I’m watching old 80s films.  Mostly sleazy horror stuff, because I happen to be a major gore hound.  Something I forgot to tell my lovely wife before we got married.

Anywho, I decided to watch all the Living Dead Films because… why not.
 

The first film is actually a heap of fun, and you can see why people liked it at the time.  Yeah, it’s directed by Dan O’Bannon, and yeah it has gratuitous nudity, and yeah some of the acting puts your teeth on edge, but it’s hard to be bored by this film.  Basically, two blokes unearth vats in a medical warehouse.  The vats are army issue and contain rotting corpses and also a chemical called trioxin.  When trioxin is released into the atmosphere much zombie fun ensues.

The film’s got punks and graveyards and 80s hairstyles and over the top acting from Don Calfa – but mostly it’s a heap of fun.  The film is mostly a satire of Romero’s zombie films.  In contrast to Romero, the zombie’s can’t be killed with a shot to the brain.  In fact, they basically can’t be killed.  Also, the zombie needs for brains is explained – eating brains takes away the pain of death (and idea I thought was really cool).  And the zombies move quickly and are mostly intelligent.

The first film has plenty of gore, brain munching and some really nifty anamatronic effects, including the wizened old corpse of an old woman that the heros capture – oh and the tar monster thing in the vat.  The ending – which I won’t spoil – is cool as well.  And even though the first film is poking fun at the Romero films, it’s still quite thrilling and chilling at times.

 

Unfortunately, the second films is a bit rubbish in comparison.  First off it tries to be funny, and fails miserably.  Second off it has an annoying kid actor in it who – as much as you want him too – refuses to die.  Third, the acting for the rest of the cast is so over the top and so played for laughs that the film looses some of the tension and horror that the first film was really good at achieving.  It also has a PG quality to it.  The gore has been cut down, except for a scene in a hospital and it all seems very much aimed at the early teen market.

Although the film has a number of the same characters from the first film, it’s not really a continuation.  More an alternate reality… which will make more sense when you see the first film.  Jokes are made at the expense of the first film, but they’re not funny.  And there’s a Michael Jackson joke at the end that I think was dated when the filmed was screened.

They also find away to actually kill the zombies.  Which is fine, I suppose.  But I’d lost interest by that point.
 

 

Return of the Living Dead 3 is a vast improvement on number two, but still not as good as the first.  It’s actually quite a serious movie, and even has themes about love and death and loving a dead person.  It also turns the pain aspect of the first movie – that is that eating brains stops the pain – on its head by suggesting that pain itself stops the urge to eat brains.  I really dug that.  Melinda Clarke (as Julie Walker the girl who gets zombified) is really hot – more as zombie than a human.  And all that body piercing she goes through makes for some great imagery.  The monster effects are also pretty cool, especially in the final fifteen minutes of the film.  The movie sort of falls apart when we get introduced to the Hispanic gang playing the video game and Riverman.  It all seems a bit like padding to me.  But the last twenty minutes are great, especially the final image, which is both touching, stupid and funny all at once.

But you need to see the uncut version of RoTLD 3 to get the full effect.

 

Now, I bet you smarties out there thought I was gonna forget to mention Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis and Return of the Living: Rave to the Grave.  I bet a couple of you were itching to write a comment about how rubbish these films were and how I should keep well away.

Well, too late.  I saw them.  Necropolis falls into the so bad it’s great category.  While Rave to the Grave – added nude bits included – falls into the so bad it’s mind numbing to watch and all copies should be destroyed category.

So where do I begin. 

1)  Both films were made back to back in Romania by the same production team.  As a result they feature 4 US actors and a bunch of people pretending to be from the US (yes, the movies are both set in American suburbia).  This mean we get voice overs for some other speaking parts which require US accents.  And it jars.  At times they give up and have the actor use thier real voices, which makes even less sense.

2) Peter Coyote is in both films (though only for a short period in the second).  His acting needs to be seen to be believed.  He’s got this weird grimace on his face like he’s perpetually in the middle of trying to take a massive dump.  And when he’s not grimacing, he’s grinning like a total loon, even in scenes that don’t require it.  I can only imagine that he must have strapped for cash to be in this film.

3) They fucking well change the rules of the first film.  The zombies can now be dispatched with a few bullets or a brain shot.  And their shambling, slow and mostly stupid. 

4)  The acting is so bad it actually causes pain.  Especially this bloke http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1631869/, who only has one facial expression – and it involves pouting.  And the acting of this person is infinitely worse http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1631869/.

As I say the first film – Necropolis – is worth watching with some mates while drunk.  Very drunk.

But I knew when I started this whole nostalgic kick of mine that I’d be exposed to some real shit.  And I don’t mind.  Even when you’re watching the worst film in the Universe, made by totally incompetents, you can’t help but have a bit of fun, groaning and moaning at all the stupid bits.  I mean, us fans live for that sort of thing!