I’m about two weeks behind on Terry Deary’s support for the closure of libraries, but I thought I’d unpack a couple of his more stupid comments.

“I’m not attacking libraries, I’m attacking the concept behind libraries, which is no longer relevant,”

And why is that Terry?

“Because it’s been 150 years, we’ve got this idea that we’ve got an entitlement to read books for free, at the expense of authors, publishers and council tax payers. This is not the Victorian age, when we wanted to allow the impoverished access to literature. We pay for compulsory schooling to do that,”

So, is Terry saying that impoverished people don’t exist anymore? Or is it that impoverished people only deserve to read the books that the public school system gives them when they’re kids? Because according to Terry if you want to read on your own time you’re gonna pay for that fucking privilege! And by the way, what about school libraries? Are we shutting them down as well?*

“People have to make the choice to buy books. People will happily buy a cinema ticket to see Roald Dahl’s Matilda, and expect to get the book for free. It doesn’t make sense.”

Terry, when was the last time you walked into a library. I mean I haven’t been in one for years and even I know you can borrow DVDs. So not only can you read Matilda for free you can watch it as well, if you’re willing to wait a couple of months.

“Books aren’t public property, and writers aren’t Enid Blyton, middle-class women indulging in a pleasant little hobby. They’ve got to make a living. Authors, booksellers and publishers need to eat. We don’t expect to go to a food library to be fed.”

Fuck me Terry, next you’ll be closing down second hand book stores because they also take money away from authors (and of course they cater to the impoverished).

“If I sold the book I’d get 30p per book. I get six grand, and I should be getting £180,000. But never mind my selfish author perception – what about the bookshops? The libraries are doing nothing for the book industry. They give nothing back, whereas bookshops are selling the book, and the author and the publisher get paid, which is as it should be. What other entertainment do we expect to get for free?”

Terry, not sure if you’re aware of this thing called the internet but since it was invented every bastard with a modem has expected shit for free. And there’s plenty of it – most of it entertainment based.

And to say that libraries do nothing for bookshops is an astonishing comment. Libraries are where children, like me, learn to love books. And once you’re bitten by the book bug, well… dear Terry should have a peek inside my garage and see how many of the buggers I own. All because of libraries.

And that’s why authors have been so supportive, because unlike Terry they understand the function of these wonderful institutions.

“Bookshops are closing down… because someone is giving away the product they are trying to sell. What other industry creates a product and allows someone else to give it away, endlessly? The car industry would collapse if we went to car libraries for free use of Porsches … Librarians are lovely people and libraries are lovely places, but they are damaging the book industry. They are putting bookshops out of business, and I’m afraid we have to look at what place they have in the 21st century.”

They are putting bookshops out of business… that’s the bit I simply don’t understand, because it could only come from someone who only has a vague idea of how the real world works. Libraries have fuck all to do with the closure of bookstores. How about the mis-management of chain bookstores from idiot multinationals, or the ebook seeing people download their novels rather than buy a paper version, or torrenting – you know, people illegally getting books for free rather than going to libraries.

Given that he’s written over 200 books and sold over 25 million books, I think Terry feels he’s protecting the interest of other authors who aren’t as well off as he probably is. But his comments read like a greedy Scrooge who covets every dollars and has real entitlement issues.

*By the way, I owe Terrance Dicks a fortune.